Sunday, September 27, 2009

Is this it?

Is this all I get?? After 12 years of being the best wife that I knew how to be, I get to spend my day alone. I remember getting ready for my wedding. No butterflies, just smiles. I couldn't wait to get married. It was all I had wanted for 2 years and I couldn't wait.
Now here I sit. Alone. Wondering if he thought of me today. Did he think of my heart today? Did he think of the promises that we made to each other all those years ago? Or was it just another day to him? I miss him. I miss the man that I married. I miss the man that stole my teenage heart 16 years ago.
I have told myself that the man that I married would never have done this to me. He would never have walked away from me, our boys and the love that I had(have) for him. Would he?? When did he change? When did the man that loved me with everything he had leave and this stranger take over?
Was I just a fool. Was I lying to myself thinking that love would be enough for us to jump any hurdle, weather any storm that came our way? Why did I feel it so strongly then. Why did I believe with all my heart that as long as we loved each other, our hearts would never separate. Why did I not see this coming?
So I ask again, Is this all I get? A broke heart, 3 boys with broken hearts, an empty hand, an empty bed and a pain that stabs so hard it hurts. Is this it??
I know that tomorrow is a new day. My son's birthday and a day to celebrate life. God is watching me. Bops and Gramma are watching me. I just wish someone would take the weight off my shoulders and the pain from my heart.
Let go and let God.

No comments:

Post a Comment